Naruto Ultimate Ninja

by Adam, 11.04.06

Junk

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Man, laxative medications sure have it bad, you know what I mean? There simply is no way to attribute a name to them that doesn't amount to some form of self-parodization. From, "Get Regular!" to "Smooth Move" no amount of sincerity about the medicine will save its buyer from embarrassment and general disgust. And rightly so, we are dealing with excrement here. Which is why only people who seriously need the relief are going to purchase such alleviating comestibles. Such is exactly the case with licensed anime games.

Think about it, the only people on Earth who appreciate such consistent tripe are the hardcore fans themselves. No one else can bring themselves to appreciate whatever nutritive value an anime license can bring to the table amidst the ALWAYS cashed-in gameplay hooks. So, if you are a Naruto fan, then you needn't read further (you've probably already bought this game anyway). I am one of those non-prodigious bastards who "doesn't get it." And you know what? I like it that way, if it means I never have to play another anime game again.... (just this once for the fans) BELIEVE IT!

Naruto Ultimate Ninja and its assorted subtitles task you with becoming the best ninja ever to strut around in an orange jumpsuit at the ninja academy, blah blah blah, you've heard it all before. It's a fighting game that uses an interesting plane-style form of arena combat. You essentially fight in a stage surrounded by allies and enemies in the traditional side-scrolling view that all fighting games adopt. Except you can warp to different planes on the same stage at any time, kind of like Guilty Gear except it's more involved because you can warp and stay in the different planes at will. On the different planes are your friends who will divvy out power ups or team up for a short combo.

This style of fighting is fairly unique and also interesting, but as the game goes on the anime curse rears its familiar head to bash down any longevity present. The controls are clunky and unresponsive. They seem to be too spread out across the game pad, and sometimes they just don't work when your frantically trying to warp or avoid the opponent's attacks. The combat is also that lamentable kind where you mash buttons a lot when you're close and hope for the best. Once in a while there will be a super attack that takes control away from you and forces you to watch a signature move that only fans of the show appreciate (they last forever, I ate a freaking sandwich during one of these things, for heaven's sake!).

Next is the paragraph where I get to bash the premise for awhile. As I said it's for fans only. I personally find Naruto to be quite obnoxious, and the rest of his group boring. He has two words that are repeated constantly (believe it) and his be all/end all attack is to either transform himself into a whore or summon a giant frog. I get it, man, I get it! Pure genius, that is.

Final Word

The only reason I'm reviewing this game is because the site needs depth and I spent quite a lot of time with it at a friend's house, at least the multiplayer is decent. At first it seems like there's some real meat here, but in the end it's best to get this game out of your system in any way possible (medicinal or otherwise).